There is a man spending money
on me.
I pay the favors no mind
I say thank you
I sip classy cocktails
I never ask for more.
I accept
I am practicing being a lady
But the worst kind.
I will not inform him of our age difference
until it is pulled from me
like a splinter.
I stretch truths like an archer's bow
Flawless, unwavering draws
I keep my breathing steady
and give nothing away.
I am practicing being a lady.
I am coy when I change the subject from me
Mysterious when I feign interest.
I am a lady when I graze his arm
And kiss him in shadows
I will tell my grandchildren
I never thought this could happen to any girl in the real world,
just in movies, in dreams, on stars and dandelion puffs of breath,
birthday candles, through tunnels, over bridges, and at certain hours of the day
But certainly not to me.
I am not an actress
but I am playing a part.
I tame my blush
and smother my girlish traits
I've stopped wearing cotton
and I have considered shaving my legs for the first time in three years.
I am doing things that ladies do
ladies that have money spent on them
stereotypes I would have bashed
had I not seen the perk to playing into them
I will play this part.
I will do my nails
I am doing it for my grandchildren
to shock.
I am this strange woman who I once, as a strange woman
would have scoffed at.
But there's no time for scoffing now,
just acting.
I am doing it for myself
to shock.