Again, I find myself sinking in the perpetual sea of doubt,
wondering where I stand with you,
questioning my role in your life,
feeling like I really do not matter that much at all.
I am not sure if you quite understand how this feels?
Will it always truly be just about you?

Regardless of how hard I try to believe others,
the ones that tell me I am worth it,
it just never really sinks in.  
I am so caught up in my own self questioning
that it is hard for me to really feel like
I am the same person that these people
claim that I am – this one immensely
strong person of which I am clearly unable to see.

For so long now I constantly feel like
I am never standing on solid ground.  
This persistent uneasiness makes me
wonder each and every day of my life
what I can do to make you notice me?
I cannot change the person that I am -
the person I have grown to be;
nor do I ever want to be anyone other
than who I know that I can be.  

Maybe the answer has been in
front of me for some time now.
Maybe I have known for awhile
that things with you are what
they will always be
and never what I truly want them to be.
I do realize that in order to save myself,
I need to walk away and find someone
who is willing and able to cherish me
for the angel that I feel that I am -
someone willing to give all
of themselves to me and
not just some of themselves to me.

After all I have been through,
I desperately need peace in my life.
I just want to feel loved, desired,
and cherished by someone
who can truly appreciate
all of me and not some of me.  
I know that my spirit is broken,
and maybe, just maybe,
if I learn to stop making excuses
and being acceptable of settling for less,
I will rise above all of this pain
and one day finally find the love
I have been so eagerly searching for.


Vicki A. Zinn

March 14, 2017