Mar 2017
Do not fret beautiful one..
You are not alone in your sadness, in your "missing"..
I miss them too. The profound emptiness that I sometimes feel directly inside my chest...Like now, is proof of that.
I often mourne the loss of being able to call them, or to hold them..or laugh with them, or to tell them how much they meant to me..Or,..Or...
"Hey ma..You remember that time you asked me if I would give my bike (my cherished, beloved, midnight blue, big-boy bmx bike ) to the struggling mother you had befriended, so she could give it to her son for Christmas?
I do.
I was six..Or seven, and it was the moment my young mind was first introduced to selflessness..To kindness, to compassion...to love. WHAT...a moment indeed.
Sometimes I play the "I should've game"..or "if only"..."if only"..
If only.
******* hindsight.
I know the missing of them will never go...And I don't want it to.
They..."the missing"..are the gifts of our life. The main characters to every chapter of every story that has made us......"us". The moments we shared with them, were like little seeds..
Seeds Planted by their friendship, by their love.. by our togetherness. And I find, when i nourish those seeds, sometimes with sadness, sometimes with happiness. Sometimes with anger....always with love..
Then those seeds, Those "times"..Those "gifts" they left in us in the form of memories..of moments...
They begin to sprout, and with the sprouting, the sadness, The loss, Starts to turn...into a deeply profound sense of gratitude. Gratitude for the truth.
Because the truth is....
We were so incredibly lucky, to have loved them, and to have been loved by them..in the first place.
Because those moments, well...They Made us.
Every single time I am kind, or make someone laugh..Or think..Or feel. Everytime I struggle, and am beat down, and have no ******* idea how to go on..
In those moments....i remember.
I remember their smile..Their comfort, their strength..
I remember the bike.
I remember everything. And they.."the missing"..give me what I need.
In our memories, in those "seeds", they are alive and well. Within us they're essence thrives, and in that place..They are free. And we, we are grateful. Because to dwell in the sadness, is to dishonor the very gifts they left Within us.
No beautiful one, the truth is...They never really left.
You are not alone in your sadness, in your "missing"..
I miss them too. The profound emptiness that I sometimes feel directly inside my chest...Like now, is proof of that.
I often mourne the loss of being able to call them, or to hold them..or laugh with them, or to tell them how much they meant to me..Or,..Or...
"Hey ma..You remember that time you asked me if I would give my bike (my cherished, beloved, midnight blue, big-boy bmx bike ) to the struggling mother you had befriended, so she could give it to her son for Christmas?
I do.
I was six..Or seven, and it was the moment my young mind was first introduced to selflessness..To kindness, to compassion...to love. WHAT...a moment indeed.
Sometimes I play the "I should've game"..or "if only"..."if only"..
If only.
******* hindsight.
I know the missing of them will never go...And I don't want it to.
They..."the missing"..are the gifts of our life. The main characters to every chapter of every story that has made us......"us". The moments we shared with them, were like little seeds..
Seeds Planted by their friendship, by their love.. by our togetherness. And I find, when i nourish those seeds, sometimes with sadness, sometimes with happiness. Sometimes with anger....always with love..
Then those seeds, Those "times"..Those "gifts" they left in us in the form of memories..of moments...
They begin to sprout, and with the sprouting, the sadness, The loss, Starts to turn...into a deeply profound sense of gratitude. Gratitude for the truth.
Because the truth is....
We were so incredibly lucky, to have loved them, and to have been loved by them..in the first place.
Because those moments, well...They Made us.
Every single time I am kind, or make someone laugh..Or think..Or feel. Everytime I struggle, and am beat down, and have no ******* idea how to go on..
In those moments....i remember.
I remember their smile..Their comfort, their strength..
I remember the bike.
I remember everything. And they.."the missing"..give me what I need.
In our memories, in those "seeds", they are alive and well. Within us they're essence thrives, and in that place..They are free. And we, we are grateful. Because to dwell in the sadness, is to dishonor the very gifts they left Within us.
No beautiful one, the truth is...They never really left.
A dear friend was dealing with loss, and it reminded me of mine, of all of ours, And this is what came out.
