Mar 2017
Numb, never felt anything but the numbness inside of me
I always wonder if I could feel anything else but the numbness
I tried everything from, kissing, hanging out with my close friends, heck even cutting
Nothing was working, why was nothing working?
What was I doing so wrong?
Why couldn’t I feel what others were feeling?
I kept asking what I was doing wrong.
What is the right way of feeling?
I would ask over and over, the answers given to me were not the ones I wanted.
I felt that anything I did or was doing was okay.
But was it really okay?
After a while my mom and sister sat down with me to talk to me
"Sweetie is there anything you want to talk about."
My sweet lovely mother asked with her bright brown eyes and reminded me of chocolate staring into my soul
I slowly lifted my head and made the no sign.
Than my sister, oh how I envied her, with her bright blue eyes holding on to a clear blue sky, after a spring rain.
I did the same sign to her.
Never actually saying what I really felt.
They kept asking the questions over and over.
I didn't want to talk, they didn't listen to me, they never listen to me.
I finally had it "JUST LEAVE ME ALONE! I DONT WANT TO TALK!" I screamed with tears streaming down my face.
I was done, absolute done with everything.
I wrote a letter to my family saying I am sorry for everything I have done in the past couple of days and that I will no longer bother them. And I also wrote what I wanted on my tombstone. "Here lays the only girl that never felt nothing but emptiness"
I grasped the razor, I said,the one thing I would never touch after what happened last time, and I made a deep cut on my wrist.
And all I thought when it happened as "finally I won’t feel so emotionless anymore, I will be where I belong, six feet under not feeling so empty anymore."
But things changed for the best.
My mother found me and so did my sister.
I could hear the screaming from them.
My mom screaming why, over and over.
The same goes with my sister.
I feel my eyes closed.
After a while I hear beeping of a heart montour.
I wake up to see my sister and mom sleeping next to my hospital bed.
I was glad to see them alright.
That is when I realized that I had emotion but it just took a while to find it.
I always wonder if I could feel anything else but the numbness
I tried everything from, kissing, hanging out with my close friends, heck even cutting
Nothing was working, why was nothing working?
What was I doing so wrong?
Why couldn’t I feel what others were feeling?
I kept asking what I was doing wrong.
What is the right way of feeling?
I would ask over and over, the answers given to me were not the ones I wanted.
I felt that anything I did or was doing was okay.
But was it really okay?
After a while my mom and sister sat down with me to talk to me
"Sweetie is there anything you want to talk about."
My sweet lovely mother asked with her bright brown eyes and reminded me of chocolate staring into my soul
I slowly lifted my head and made the no sign.
Than my sister, oh how I envied her, with her bright blue eyes holding on to a clear blue sky, after a spring rain.
I did the same sign to her.
Never actually saying what I really felt.
They kept asking the questions over and over.
I didn't want to talk, they didn't listen to me, they never listen to me.
I finally had it "JUST LEAVE ME ALONE! I DONT WANT TO TALK!" I screamed with tears streaming down my face.
I was done, absolute done with everything.
I wrote a letter to my family saying I am sorry for everything I have done in the past couple of days and that I will no longer bother them. And I also wrote what I wanted on my tombstone. "Here lays the only girl that never felt nothing but emptiness"
I grasped the razor, I said,the one thing I would never touch after what happened last time, and I made a deep cut on my wrist.
And all I thought when it happened as "finally I won’t feel so emotionless anymore, I will be where I belong, six feet under not feeling so empty anymore."
But things changed for the best.
My mother found me and so did my sister.
I could hear the screaming from them.
My mom screaming why, over and over.
The same goes with my sister.
I feel my eyes closed.
After a while I hear beeping of a heart montour.
I wake up to see my sister and mom sleeping next to my hospital bed.
I was glad to see them alright.
That is when I realized that I had emotion but it just took a while to find it.
