Why Didn't You...

My eyes are the things that should let you know what is wrong when my tongue keeps clicking and popping yet no words can come. POP CLICK I can not speak. My eyes are just like my mouth when anxiety comes crawling in a few minutes after I have spoken to my rapist. My eyes burn and itch from irritation from attempting to scratch out the memories of my mother. The times she has left me alone The times she would always hit my sister The times she would do anything to get her way The times she has tried to apologize for but no. NO. NO. NO. CLICK I can only speak in words that rhyme with depression because that is the only thing my mind can come to think of. Depression speaks in words… but I can not. My hands are like clocks which never stop and time just keeps going on and on forever until I see him. Until I see the person that has caused me to flinch when touched. The person that has caused me to have trust issues. The person that has made loving someone hard. POP POP Shaking means I am thinking about him and the things he has done So I guess I must always be thinking about the torture he has put me through. Why didn’t you try to run Why didn’t you Why didn’t you Why didn’t you Why didn’t you simply fight back?” Your definition of simply is like trying to tell pink from blue. My definition of simply is like trying to smash two objects together but eventually break. My words mean nothing because my eyes can’t speak They can’t leave that memory They can’t stop thinking Think. Think. Think! Think! CLICK CLICK CLICK “Why didn’t you just… fight back?”

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