Instead of blood and genuine feeling
My core processes other stuff
It grows within and takes me over
And never does it have enough

Although it's really in my brain
I feel it elsewhere every day
Although it causes strain and pain
I cannot ever get away

There's one discharge that can fight it
And it is truly most related
But this act taunts me and I spite it
For true relief, I have long waited

As said before, it's in my mind
But it feels like it spreads all over
I've fought and pined to no avail
I can't even make it slower

I'll call it Ivy, as it grows
And as it takes a female name
For women are its main focus
Much to my own ambivalent shame

They say we're born to reproduce
Deduce value from this, I cannot
This long term goal is why I'm here
But also why my pride is not

This Ivy acts on my behalf
Desperately seeking what I shouldn't get
It's so disgustingly eager for
Approval, praise, eye contact, and ***

Try as I might, when fed small doses
The Ivy strongly grows inside me
I act a fool, ask for too much
And then hide away from society

And then it dies, receding in failure
The adrenaline it pumps is no longer
But only for now, for next time it's fed
There's no doubt that it will grow stronger

And have the wars between Ivy and I
Ever caused me so much shame!
I really can't combat the ****
That plays this eternal awful game

My perceptions also are warped
To be quite tragic and quite strange
When beauty's pain, and kindness poison,
Is my behavior not essentially deranged?

Much like a war, in the past,
Ivy has sent a final strike
The devil on my shoulder wins
And takes one more girl from my life

Just play it cool, I'd tell myself
And have restraint and just be patient
But stronger feelings are then felt
And they then lead to isolation

The medium through which this comes
Is often an inappropriate sharing
"I'm not in love, but you mean a lot to me,
Sorry if I'm too overbearing.

If I am, please cut me off
And don't ever talk to me again.
I want whatever's best for you.
Forever yours, I mean, your friend,

Nick.
So what's restraint, or fighting Ivy,
If not a temporary solution?
My feelings must eventually come out
And shake away the restrictive illusion.

The illusion that Ivy is not me
Is one I try to encompass
But what if I let myself be free
And play my heart's tune like a trumpet.

I already basically do
As it's clear I reek of desperation
But to make their discomfort even less
Perhaps I'll offer this salutation

"Hello! I'm Nick! Good to meet you.
Wait, don't look me in the eye.
I'm full of love and will act as such,
But in return, please don't be kind.

For if you do, I'll become too happy.
And after that, much too excited.
And then I'll be nearly obsessed.
And I won't be able to fight it.

I'll annoy you. Message you all the time!
And act as an annoyance.
So how about we just skip all of that,
And you treat me like I'm pointless?

If there is one thing you must know,
I am the dog that's at your feet
Endlessly happy when I have your attention
And always eager for a treat

And always eager to serve you too!
I'll do whatever I can
You have my undying loyalty
So give me some commands.

I'm begging you, I want to help.
Just give me any minuscule task
I'll try my best, and do it well,
And all you have to do is ask!

You don't owe me anything in return!
Your attention to me is more than enough
From this experience, you will learn
That I am full of some sort of love.

But how about we just skip all that?
And I'll make this really nice and painless
I'm a desperate, toxic, list-filled mess
Our relationship, for you, would be gainless!

So therefore, don't keep me around,
Just to make me feel alright
I'll tell you now, my love won't stop
And it will just be endless strife."

Once I say all that, I'll wait for a response
If the girl I love hasn't walked away.
Ivy will make me do this again tomorrow.
But tomorrow is another day.