i know that this wasn’t just a thing.
i know that i didn’t believe in love at first sight until i laid eyes on you, and your messy hair, and your perfect crooked teeth
and i didn’t know that a sound could bring such pure, unadulterated joy until the moment you parted your lips and introduced yourself to me
and i didn’t know the feeling of my heart being ripped out of my ribcage until you plunged your hand inside of my chest and held it, still pulsing, in your palm.
i didn’t know that my heart had a voice louder than the one inside of my mouth until i heard it shout your name with every beat, 80 times a minute, every minute we were apart.
i didn’t know that a person could have such control over another human being until i found myself wasting hours, losing sleep, waiting for you to text, or call, or to even think about me enough to care.
see, when you told me you loved me it was like a garden was in full bloom at my feet every step i took. for ten months all the weeds in the cracks of the pavement were daisies.
i would have stopped myself if i knew they were going to turn into poison ivy.
i didn't know you stopped loving me until you touched every part of my body and decided that you'd had enough. i didn't know you stopped loving me until i found myself waiting for days for as much as a message from you, at least saying you still gave a **** about how i was doing.
i didn't know you stopped loving me until i started praying to a god that i'd stopped believing in, begging for at least the slightest glimmer of hope that you hadn't given up on us, you hadn't given up on me.
i guess now that i've realised all this, i know that this was just a 'thing' to you. and i guess i have to be okay with that.