Why does everyone I know get paid pregnancy leave? Why don’t I get even one day off to grieve? Why do I have to feel bad to ask people when they are due? Why do others feel free to tell me what to do? (Why do I have to wake up in red? Why do I have to sleep alone in my bed? Why do my mikvah’s always fall out on the wrong time Why does my life sometimes taste like lemon-lime?) Why are my friends popping babies every year? Why do I have so much love to share? Why when I kiss a little kid does she run away? Why does her mom tell me she doesn’t enjoy being kissed by day? Why do I need to feel satisfied with my job as a wife? Why do other people have so much more in their life? Why do I shop for so many kids costumes? Why do I dread every Yom Tov as it looms? Why do I ask why if it won’t get me anywhere? Why do I ask why if it won’t make anything clear? So I won’t ask why for I want to continue to live! And I won’t ask why as I continue to give. I know I have a father in heaven who loves me like insane. I know that He shares in every ounce of my pain. I know that He runs the world the way only He could. I know that He gives me so much blessing and good. I know that I need to continue doing what’s right. I know that I need to daven for everyone to have their Yeshuah in sight. I know that I shouldn’t give into the frustration, I know that I should live a life full of appreciation. I know that He does what’s best and I’ll emerge stronger, I know that I need to hold on just a little longer. I know to live and maximize my days meanwhile, I know to always try my best, enjoy my life and smile!