It's two in the morning laying in bed
catching on sleep that is yet to come.
Thoughts of him running through my mind unrelenting.
"How did it come to this?" I ask myself.
Staying up most nights thinking of possibilities
to reach out to him.
"He has the right to know." Words that I repeat in my head endlessly.
Yet, the thought of uttering the words of affection shakes me to the core.
For fear that I will build a wall and face rejection head on.
For fear of a greater chance of losing him all together.
I often dream that we live in my world, he and I, the way I wish it should be.
But the reality of my dream is too far-fetch.
Because I would wake up alone thinking of the consequences.
I often wonder how simple life can be if only the feelings are mutual.
How seeing his face brings about a smile on my face reaching from ear to ear effortlessly without a trace of sadness.
If only I can scream out what my heart desire.
If only I can look him in the eyes and let them speak the words I've bottled up inside.
If only…
But I'm a coward you see.
I keep this gnawing feelings in secret enduring the pain it causes.
For my role as a friend is what I will remain in his eyes.
Only time can tell if our story will unfold the way I see them in my dream.
Or burn in the depth of longing desire where dreams and feelings are turned into ashes only to be blown away by the wind.

-MPS12