Slowly unravelling

I'm a useless mess
Under duress
So spoiled
I aimed so high
When I deserved so little
So spoiled

I aimed too high
I'm not good enough for a stable job
Or even peanuts
Unless it is Wal-Mart

All her passive-aggressive talk
I'm not organized enough
When half of it wasn't even my fault
It was the last straw

I need to see a shrink
Or I won't be able to blink
Ever again

She sawed me in half
And I stood there unable to control my tears

It's so hard to cry in public places
Come to think of it even my room is a public place
One little noise that could only mean one thing
And you're finished
Soaked in false affection that makes one feel so guilty
And like such an awful human being

I don't know how to reach out
I don't know how to do anything
Except be the happy child I used to be
I'm not ready to grow up!

I don't know how to make money
Especially not in a respectable way
Society has so many rules
And if you don't follow them you're an outcast

And as fun as that sounds
It really isn't

People say I take myself too seriously
But is it really that funny to see yourself,
a girl with a four-year university degree,
Standing at the check-out counter?
Wouldn't it just be better to **** yourself
than to go through that?

I don't even know how to be a student anymore
I've run out of reasons to even try

I feel like I will explode
I need that warm room with leather sofas
And pens and pads
Where I can scream, cry as hard as I want
As long as I trust
Trust that I will get a nice, big, comforting label
And a cute little jug of pills
Tell them everything
Absolutely everything
Things I wouldn't even put in a poem
that no one will ever see
The things that I lock away
That eat at me, begging to come out
Until I am the rotted core of what used to be a person

Why can't I trust?
No matter where I go there is no one to help me
I am nothing but an annoying little *****
Let it out
Let it out

Please Reason, Science, Mother Nature, God!
I wish things would get better