Feb 2017
My dad warned me about you. He told me he could see the love taking over my eyes and entering through my pores and I never thought twice. I told him you were different, that we were different and this love would bring me to my knees- Now I am finding it within myself to look at you with no feeling, to wipe away your face from my memory- even forgetting you as a friend. This is hurt, and it is real.
Closure comes in all different forms at different times-
The first was painless, I had someone, and the blame fell on you for not living up to the ridiculous standards set by my mouth when my eyes went blind to the influences that surrounded me, screaming into my ears and beating at the doors leading to my heart. I was confused.
I was scared I was missing out on better love, later finding out that love was not mine, but someone else's who was patiently waiting.
Who was I to toy with your emotions and mind- you gave me everything and more and I gave you a maybe-
A maybe that kept you begging, while I was turning away, dismissing you and the sweet words you spoke for me.
I was blind to your love, I took it for granted when given the opportunity to try something new, and even though this not so poetic mass of words will never find its way to you I want you to know i'm sorry.
I am sorry for not being your backbone in your time of need
I am sorry for not kissing you more
I am sorry for not going out of my way to see you everyday, because I wanted to, believe me.
I am sorry for pushing you away when I needed you the most
and, I am sorry for not giving you every ounce of love my heart produced, for even then you would deserve more.
I am in no way selling myself short so do not take this as a pity party, I am simply recognizing the fact that I never appreciated what I had in my hands when I held your hand, or what I stared at when I found myself dancing in your big brown eyes,
or more importantly, what I felt when your soft kisses and gentle hugs seemed to comfort me when nothing else could.
I guess this is what people call closure
Closure comes in all different forms at different times-
The first was painless, I had someone, and the blame fell on you for not living up to the ridiculous standards set by my mouth when my eyes went blind to the influences that surrounded me, screaming into my ears and beating at the doors leading to my heart. I was confused.
I was scared I was missing out on better love, later finding out that love was not mine, but someone else's who was patiently waiting.
Who was I to toy with your emotions and mind- you gave me everything and more and I gave you a maybe-
A maybe that kept you begging, while I was turning away, dismissing you and the sweet words you spoke for me.
I was blind to your love, I took it for granted when given the opportunity to try something new, and even though this not so poetic mass of words will never find its way to you I want you to know i'm sorry.
I am sorry for not being your backbone in your time of need
I am sorry for not kissing you more
I am sorry for not going out of my way to see you everyday, because I wanted to, believe me.
I am sorry for pushing you away when I needed you the most
and, I am sorry for not giving you every ounce of love my heart produced, for even then you would deserve more.
I am in no way selling myself short so do not take this as a pity party, I am simply recognizing the fact that I never appreciated what I had in my hands when I held your hand, or what I stared at when I found myself dancing in your big brown eyes,
or more importantly, what I felt when your soft kisses and gentle hugs seemed to comfort me when nothing else could.
I guess this is what people call closure
