My heartbeat feels like it is going a thousand times faster than it should be able to go.
It’s like a race car zooming around a corner, able to crash at any moment.
My hands tremble uncontrollably, like two tiny earthquakes set into my skin.
My palms are cold and clammy.
My face burns with the heat of a hundred fires right below the surface, heating my face and glowing it red.
There is a net in my throat, catching all the air I try to breathe.
I feel as if everyone is waiting for me to make a mistake,
To fall into their waiting, open jaws
My voice shakes when I speak.
The words barely slide out, and they sound clunky and sharp in my mouth.
I stutter, the darkest cloud on a rainy day.
I feel as though I’m melting with embarrassment and have to pinch myself to make sure I am still there.
I feel weak with the pressure of people’s eyes weighing me down.
I’m not sure what is happening around me.
The words that come out are prepared and stiff, like microwaved meals, slightly soggy and yet good enough.
By the time it’s over I’m not sure what truly happened
My actions forgotten, my words forgotten, to me and those around me
My wrongdoings and mistakes are forgotten in a whirlwind of mist to those around me
Those preoccupied with their own troubles and sorrows, their own prepared words, some like gourmet meals
But my mistakes stick out to me
A siren is going off in my head
You stuttered, you said um too much, you went too quickly, you didn’t pause enough, you didn’t look up and the people sitting before you, you sounded like robot without emotion or feeling, you messed up
My heartbeat, still beating like a drum, doesn’t falter its fast rhythm
My hands still shake
My palms are still cold and clammy
My face still feels hot and flushed
The sirens still go off in my head
And yet somehow I feel slightly more at ease