I’ve got a hangover
I’ve been drinking too
much for sure
You know the cocktail of ‘pills’
that I take to get me through the
day.

I swapped ‘drugs,’
hoping the let down would be less
Only, you, knew
You warned me
You said ‘STOP!
You are being stupid
AGAIN!’

you left notes everywhere
in my head
on the fridge
but I wanted to try this
where is the harm?

I just want the edge off my last let down
Tender, loving, naive…
put her in charge
After she already picked the ‘pill,’

She did what she only knew how to do
She saw the train wreck coming,
transformed into black uncaring stone self.
she locked her up, and threw away the key
this was an impending disaster

caged she cried, starved and went without sleep
there was nothing she could do
She railed against her:
“this is what happens when you are in charge
just look at this mess!”

She sank further back into her wooden crate
She painted it red and laced it in barbed wire
there appeared no hope for escape.

“Now it’s my turn, I am in charge” she said in all her pride.
“We are going to defile ourselves further,
just watch me little princess
I will flit from one ‘drug’ to the next
only pausing to take their pocket book,

no more emotions, only me, your stone.
Just see how your life is going to change.”

She watched, for she was always in her shadow.
she watched her destroy what she worked so hard to save,
for just that one special ‘trip.’
she watched as their body swayed
and became scared up
with an injection here
a cut there,
a bruise that would never go away

once she snorted just a little too much at once
the side effects on their heart are long term
and devastating

she was created to shield herself.
To protect her,
from the bad things in the world.
A shield was never meant to control the solider.

The things she did, did not shocking herself
Even from the confines of the cage, she was becoming callused
just enough for her naivety to creep away and realize that
she can break out, for she was no longer a girl
it was time for them to become one again

She was enthralled with the newest ‘drug’
she sat at large round stone black table in a dark room
around it were other shields
just like her, feeding off the ‘drug’

An explosion rocked the room
She was free, and stood with her full potential
She flew out of her chair, and stood
Their eyes locked, and the other shields fled at the sight of this

fear was ebbing at the edges of Her eyes,
She was no longer cowering in her crate.
She roared “Get back in your crate!”
She was not budging, this time

She ran at her, with all her speed,
She side stepped it
She ran again
and again
again
and again

She dodged them all till She fell over panting
She said “I am supposed to protect you,
why won’t you let me?” through her painting breath
She, retaining most of herself, said
“you are cohering with ******,
who feed off the same ‘drug’ as you,
or doing multiple ‘drugs’ in one sitting.
You were supposed to be my conscious
telling me not to do something, you are dark.

you are desensitizing me,
so I will feel nothing.
Do you have any idea how lonely that is?
To feel absolutely nothing.
Every time you do these ‘drugs’ I feel less and less
and these periods seem to stretch on longer and longer
till you are off the next day looking for a bigger
and better ‘fix.’
Which only leaves us feeling lonelier and emptier”

Still laying on the floor, She gazed up at She,
and knew these things to be true
Both of them knew how to fix this.
She must pass through the fire

She extended her hand down and asked
“are you ready?”
She gulped and grasped her hand.
She navigated her to the hot bed of coals
and walked beside her
She winced.
But this was nothing compared to the fire she must face.

The darkness around her feet started to peel away
She had to let her go on her own,
because the coals were turning into fires
and flesh does burn.

she marched on, alone.
The flames started to lick her thighs
the pain was becoming unbearable
but she staggered on.

Agony was setting in
she wanted to collapse
but she pushed on.
“aaaaagggghhhhhh” she screamed,
but it was eaten up by the darkness

She looked down,
for the first time in a long time,
and her whole body was aglow
The walk felt like a lifetime
She pushed and pushed
and slowly the flames backed away from her face
she could see her

The flames suddenly felt delicious
she wanted to stay in the fire
so she started running
for she must escape

She was waiting with her arms open
There was a smile on her face
she was finally coming home
looking as white as the purest snow.