To the terracotta freckled green eyed boy,

I am not in love with you anymore

If I had told myself that this would happen, I would have told you that you were horribly wrong

Dear boy,
When I see you
my heart does not tap away morse code with heartbeats trying to tell you the extent of my affection

I do not dream of a future with you
Or what our daughter would look like and what she would call your parents

I do not shiver at the thought of joining our bodies in deceleration of our love
covering ourselves in sweat and humanity

I used to call the curve of your neck and the safety of your arms around me home

But I have learned that home is not you, a house, or anyone
It is myself
I will love myself to the ends of the earth
I will learn the curves and nooks of my body
Fall in love with myself because I am courageous and beautifully made

I am not in love with you anymore because I fell in love with myself