Oh Weather Girl, so smart and slim, Safe in your air-conditioning, Coiffured and prinked, make-up in place; No freckles on that flawless face, Nor sweat upon your marble brow – I wonder if you’ll ever know How much your dulcet verbiage Sends me insane with helpless rage.
You tell me, as the best of news: ‘It’s a good day for barbecues, ‘for the high pressure over Spain ‘will block out the Atlantic rain; ‘the outlook’s fine, with lots of sun, ‘and we’ll have highs of thirty-one’. And then you flash your perfect teeth, Complacency beyond belief!
You stupid woman, don’t you know My flowers and veg need rain to grow? And since there’s been a hosepipe ban I have to use my watering-can. It hasn’t rained for days and days: Do you know how much water weighs?
Of course the fault’s not down to you, You only read the autocue; But could you, please, once in a while, Just switch off that ****** smile!!