a crowded space
words, some precious, thrown into oblivion
while the smell of cheap bar and clear *****
littered the air
i saw her look at you
and i saw you smile back
and it took me back to one day
in a similar space
years ago
when i was happy and drunk and i thought that you put the stars in the sky
it was how you looked at me
when we woke up in your twin-sized bed
lifted up and feeling high.
it was a time before
i screamed at you on the sidewalk.
it was years before
i sat on a bus of strangers
and pulled my sunglasses over my eyes
so none of them could see my cry.
it seems like a split second ago
when you said you loved me for the very first time
and i said it back
but i already knew i loved you
when we stood at the top of the highest hill
and watched the sunset over lake Michigan.
i knew that i loved you
when we got lost in the woods
and as darkness swallowed us in an unfamiliar place
i felt my body light up
because i had you.
what ended a long time ago
what feels so distant to me
i thought maybe it all didn't matter.
at least not anymore.
i felt like i was getting better.
but when i saw her
i felt like sinking into the filthy cement floor
and when i woke up in the morning
the hangover hit me
but not as hard as the realization that you have moved on
and i am still stuck
wondering how the ******* can still do this to me.