i don't know if i should direct my hatred to you.
for coming so recklessly into my world and bringing destruction with you,
for telling me i've crossed a line that you never drew,
for leaving without so much as  recognition of the disaster you brought.

i dont know if i should direct my hatred to myself.
for letting you break down my walls only to see you be the reasons why i had them up in the first place,
for giving you the key to a vault containing treasure i know you'd steal,
for being a warrior that turned into a distressed damsel when you came into my life.

i hate how traces of your shadow still appear in my dreams so far past the time when destiny pulled us apart as hard as it did when it pushed us together.

i hate how i unwillingly force myself to see you in everyone because no matter how bitter you taste in my mouth you were once my happiness and i want rediscover that in somebody else.

i hate how now i fear i might lose a person who likes the same things as i do, who fears the ocean like i do, who wonders about space like i do. i fear might lose them only because they didn't have the same way of running their hands through their hair like you do

i hate how i fear i might lose my soulmate simply because they weren't you.

i hate how you became my benchmark, my criteria for others who might actually even be better than you.

i hate how you keep the trophy for being the first person i gave my heart to.

you were a harsh reminder.

i learned it the hard way, but at least now i knew.

first impressions do last.