Jan 2017
I will feel everything until I don't
And I sit there with the dry tears on my face feeling nothing but anger for the way i let you treat me and the way you think you can just walk away as if everything you just did to me means nothing to you
All the time that we spent with each other is like a waste for you
I think that I'm over you then i'll hear a song or i'll see a picture of us or i'll put on your old hoodie
Everything i loved about you that I tried so hard to push away
It all rushes back
I can't pinpoint what I miss; if its you or if its the few good memories we had
I don't know why it's so easy for me to block out all your *******
It is extremely greedy and unfair of you to have these moods that are unpredictable, and making me worry about them, making me feel like you don't care about me
It's terrible that I'd have to wake up hoping that it would be a good day for you, and you'd be in a good mood which means you might kiss my forehead when you walk away
I cannot believe I had to count how many times you kissed me; for the record it was only six
I cannot believe i let myself think that I was the problem, that I was the issue or the burden that made you unhappy all the time
I cannot believe i let myself fall into such a deep hole that i stayed by your side savoring your good days; I could count them all on one hand
I cannot believe that i let your history redirect my thinking and wire my brain into thinking that all your problems were because of me
You can't go back in time, you can't take away your past; but you should be able to separate yourself and treat people like humans and not objects
Not toys that you can leave on the shelf for a few days with only a little bit of dust to "brush off"
You see, dust it dust
Scars are permanent, you can't brush them away like dust
I should be able to feel important, i deserve to be loved
and all I see are the few simple times you told me I was pretty or you pushed back my hair
Those things shouldn't be uncommon if you love someone, you should want to show them how important they are too
But again, you didn't love me
I loved you
And I sit there with the dry tears on my face feeling nothing but anger for the way i let you treat me and the way you think you can just walk away as if everything you just did to me means nothing to you
All the time that we spent with each other is like a waste for you
I think that I'm over you then i'll hear a song or i'll see a picture of us or i'll put on your old hoodie
Everything i loved about you that I tried so hard to push away
It all rushes back
I can't pinpoint what I miss; if its you or if its the few good memories we had
I don't know why it's so easy for me to block out all your *******
It is extremely greedy and unfair of you to have these moods that are unpredictable, and making me worry about them, making me feel like you don't care about me
It's terrible that I'd have to wake up hoping that it would be a good day for you, and you'd be in a good mood which means you might kiss my forehead when you walk away
I cannot believe I had to count how many times you kissed me; for the record it was only six
I cannot believe i let myself think that I was the problem, that I was the issue or the burden that made you unhappy all the time
I cannot believe i let myself fall into such a deep hole that i stayed by your side savoring your good days; I could count them all on one hand
I cannot believe that i let your history redirect my thinking and wire my brain into thinking that all your problems were because of me
You can't go back in time, you can't take away your past; but you should be able to separate yourself and treat people like humans and not objects
Not toys that you can leave on the shelf for a few days with only a little bit of dust to "brush off"
You see, dust it dust
Scars are permanent, you can't brush them away like dust
I should be able to feel important, i deserve to be loved
and all I see are the few simple times you told me I was pretty or you pushed back my hair
Those things shouldn't be uncommon if you love someone, you should want to show them how important they are too
But again, you didn't love me
I loved you
to a boy who broke my ******* hEart
