My eyes remember you
   differently than my skin does

I can see you
getting into your little white car
and driving away

blurry

        you didn't look back


I can feel the warmth of your skin
   under thick blankets
your softness was delicious

I can see you sitting at my kitchen table
speaking to my mother, but peeking at me
over raspberry tea
           cheeks pink, watery eyes
    Getting ready to leave
you are always leaving.

I can feel the soft strands
of your hair, my fingers wrapped
       around the nape of your
       neck, smoothing it down,
pulling gently.

I can see you looking at me,
staring at me, exasperated,
frustrated. Your mouth says
I can't do this
but your eyes say
I can't leave you, either


       I can picture you
at your warm and loving home


surrounded by the family I
never quite fit into

I can see you
holding on to your beautiful mother
then,
driving around our town
to look at pretty lights
maybe with your brothers,
maybe with someone new


Months later,
a whole year later ( only one day later) (after a whole lifetime has passed)


when I allow myself to close my eyes for a moment

I can feel your body holding mine

my feet tucked underneath me
my face pressed against your chest,
heart beating against my eardrum
your chin resting on my head

       I can feel your love
       emanating - shining
into me


                                    on this day
                I am grateful to have
                ever touched you


    I am grateful that I
            ever laid eyes on you.