Look. I can't change the way that things happened or how they will. I can't prevent you from crying or even hurting at all, and I know that's my own fault. I've stopped time for you but I can't change time in itself, I can't change what happened or how I reacted or all of the things that I'm ashamed of. I'm just. I'm tired of pretending I'm some saint who can fix everything that happened I don't want to pretend for you, you don't deserve that, I've pretended way too much..
If I can stop the world from changing as slowly and effectively as it does.. for you.. for just a second. I just want to show you what you look like to me now and in this moment; so beautiful; so strong and consistent; so deserving.
You'll never listen fully to everything I have to say and you'll never grasp the concept of the fact that you deserve things far better than me. To quote the analogy of a friend.. you're a 50¢ coin.. I'm a penny. I'm the grimiest, most rusted, two faced, over used penny you'll ever see, ever meet, ever know. You know me. And I'm so sorry for the hell that that brings you.
I'm a bitter bully who drags you out, out of her way, into every beautiful place you've ever known and I leave myself there, in a kiss, in a touch, in the whisper of your name until you blame yourself for why you hate them and can never and will never return.