ouch. ouch. ouch.
my heart is screaming. it has expanded beyond it's threads,
burst through the weak spots and proceeded to sink,
deflated and limp, down though my body.
it is broken. i have no heart.
Carey LeCamp i love you, i love you so much with what used to be
my heart. you were my first and only family;
you're lost from this world, my world, your mother's world,
forever.
but what do i know about death?
you're not lost, there's a picture of you, crumpled, at the bottom
of what used to be my heart.
you're in photos, memories, laughter, the past. you're in snow and playful chickens and the flutter of a black speckled butterfly. you're in the tears flooding my vision, my tense muscles.
and this version of you, well i can love him too.
i can love your new abstraction, this newfound distance you possess.
i can love him too but i can tell you i'll really miss your bright laugh
and the warmth of your life.
i'll put your photo on the ceiling so you can always be lost in my thoughts, if you want, and i'll believe that there is something
beyond my comprehension that exists at the end of this world.
i'll believe this until peace reinflates my heart,
oxygen my muscles. i'll love you with the strength i did
while you breathed, with the strength i do the rest of the world.
and the only thing that i hope is that you feel this love.