I am still
In deep thought-
Wondering, how easy I’ve let you slipped
From my hands
And from my heart
--
Let’s take a step back
And recount the moments
Recollect the memories
Reminisce the good old days
And reassess this overnight decision I’ve impulsively taken
Let’s take a few more steps back
And remember the first time I met you
Back in high school
The first time I said hi
And thought you were cute
You were a plethora of my firsts
The first boy bestfriend I’ve ever had
The first boy to ever ask me out on dates
The first boy to talk to me on a daily basis
The first boy I ever liked…. Who actually liked me back
Undoubtedly,
You were my first love
I thought I loved you like I’d never love anyone else
I told you everything
Wrecked these walls I’ve sheltered from for so long
Just to hand you this little fragile heart of mine
Through the cracked linoleum and the broken glass windows
I gave you a golden ticket and an aerial view
To my world
And after two years,
In the end,
You did decide to return the favour
You trusted me enough
To let me enter this mystical world of yours
These two dimensions you seem to always get lost in
Those two roads diverged in a wood
That you can never seem to wrap your head around
and choose
As I write this,
I start to realise why and how I stopped loving you
I think I got tired
Of trying to pull you up
As you let yourself drown in the seas
of your undecided thoughts
I stopped loving you
The moment you say “I’m going to change”
But the next day you woke up
You put on the same old clothes
You took the same route
To the place that led you exactly back to where you once were
I got sick of
Saying the same things
Over and over again
Asking you to change
Only to expect nothing in return
Truth be told
As similar as we are as people
We live in worlds too distant apart
Your world is too foreign for me, too fast and scary
Whereas my world is too small and tightly guarded, all child’s play
As much as I’d want to love you
I can’t seem to do so
And if I could, I'd say this a million times to you
I truly am sorry.