I’m burning last year’s diary
Farewell those blasted days
Those memories are turned to ash
In a smouldering malaise
The resolutions came and went
They barely left a mark
But now they’re just a puff of smoke
Expanding in the dark

I’m deleting last year’s twitter feed
There’s nothing there to see
No re-tweets of opinion polls
And hash tag R.I.P
So long the queues of angry trolls
Who meme instead of typing
Political lies, celebrity thighs
With constant over hyping

I’m having a lobotomy
To erase last year completely
I might just sit here dribbling
But I’ll do it quite discreetly
So raise a glass and think of me
While lost in celebration
I’ll be here in my padded cell
Under heavy medication

**