It's not ecstasy that I'm looking for -
it's not even happiness -
it's the moment
when standing in a field
you see the grass move before
the wind politely brushes
the hair from your forehead,
when the seeming hundreds of birds
hiding in the snap peas suddenly quiet,
only to burst into song and chatter
once you have passed them by,
when you come upon a clearing
after following a tight trail through tall trees,
when you find the first flower of spring,
when a hawk circles above,
when the clouds move low and fast
and reveal the perfectly clear night sky,
and the moonlight touches your nose.
It's the moment when it is 3 a.m.
and the sun is rising
and I've already hiked six miles
and I'm sitting near the ridge
and I'm listening
and I hear a howl down the valley
and I close my eyes and turn my head
and my eyes open to see this wolf,
and we both pant then freeze.
It's the moment
when you try to breathe quieter,
when you stare into the wolf's eye
and he turns to walk away.