listen –
i don’t know what the right answer is.
we both know i’m not any good at this,
neither of us are,
and yet we’re here
still trying.
if i were to say that i took it all back –
if i threw myself at your feet and said *listen, you,
i love every grey hair on your head
and i love every stupid word that comes out of that mouth of yours
that i spend too much time wanting to kiss,*
i don’t know how i could stop myself from fucking it up again
but maybe i could try, again, to be good to you,
if you’d let me.
the truth is
being with you today felt like a homecoming.
the truth is,
i don’t know how we will make this work.
the truth is
i’m scared that I will hurt you again,
i’m scared i won’t know how to stop myself from doing wrong by you,
and yet here i am, turning up my hands like a prayer, laying flowers at your feet and tracing the wings on your ankles,
hoping that somehow
we can do this, that the distance won’t matter
and i’ll stop biting my tongue whenever i need to speak.
we traded hats before we said goodbye
and i’m still wearing yours.
tonight i’ll sleep in your sweatshirt
and hope that someone, someday, will love you right,
and that maybe it will be me.