Why do I only seem to want the bad things out of life?
Ive been thrown a bone way too many times and still can't go a week without ruining everything I've built my life upon.
It's disgusting how little my upstanding virtues play a role in my decisions come time to put them into practice.
I've the strong moral conviction but no application,
The worst kind of person.
It can't all be true and it can't all be wrong.
I'm stuck in an existential headspin about a dozen times a week and
I know what I should think but I can't bring myself to care but it still keeps me up at night.
It shouldn't matter after all I'm just a spec on a rock floating alongside billions of others.
But if it does I'm ****** and I know it.
I died with my faith but I put on the closest thing I can to a happy face to keep a buffer of transient alien space so I don't have to show my morbid attitude.
None of it means a thing and I'm still coming unglued.
Still freaking out.