I don't want you to think I would **** myself over you, because you're not worth any emotion at all
it is what you cost me that hurts and nothing can replace it
my mind, always warped and twisted, has reached the point where I can wait no longer
I don't dare wait no longer
until there is the final twist and it snaps and I spend the rest of my life in some state-run snake pit
the fact is, I am not getting any better, I am not going to get better, and I will most certainly deteriorate further as time goes on
in truth, I was nothing more than a prop filling absent space, so that my absence would not be noted
in truth, I have been absent for a long time
my body has become nothing but a cage, a source of pain and constant problems
I pursued replacing destruction with creation for some time
this provided a distraction, but it could not last
the illness I have had cursed me pain that not even the strongest medicines could dull, and there is no cure
all day, everyday
a screaming agony in every nerve ending in my body
it is nothing short of torture
my mind is a wasteland, filled with visions of incredible horror, unceasing depression and crippling anxiety
simple things that everyone else takes for granted are nearly impossible for me
I can not laugh or cry
I derive no pleasure from activity
everything simply comes down to passing the time until I can sleep again
now to sleep forever seems to be the most merciful thing
this is what brought me to my actual mission, not suicide, but a mercy killing
I know *******, and I know how to do it so that there is no pain whatsoever
it was quick, and I did not suffer, and above all I am free
I feel no more pain