1
I don’t like people
who come borrowing books
They sniff the paper and ink on my shelf
and they ask to borrow
as if they’d ever read
anything beyond junkmail
and cut-out coupons;
and as if they’d ever return my books
if I don’t bark, hound and remind them
and re-remind them…

2
There is my friend Sam
who recently took a fancy
to one of my books
on my shelf:
“Make a Billion, Loser”

“Can I borrow that?”
Sam asked
And he looked like a loser
so I said, “Yeah, you can borrow it”
And he took the book off the shelf
and he said, indignant:
“Hey! The first 100 pages are here
But pages 101 to 200 are missing!”

And I said, ******* by this imbecile:
*“Hey, the first 100 is where you read;
the second half is missing
cos that’s where
you go make your money, you loser!
Now go read the book
and then make your Billion!”