"Everything we're selling, they're buying it!
Pay-per-view, on demand, ******* they're buying it!
They want more? Hell, we're supplying it!
Ounce by ounce they're spoon-fed ****!
Eating it up, little they know,
It's all a Punch and Judy show!
With the man behind pulling the strings
Making his puppets all dance and sing-

What's that? Almost time?
Let me get my smile aligned!
**** the prompt, **** recording,
We'll do it live!
In 5
4
3
2...

Welcome again to the Daily News!
Boy, do we have some stories for you!
Growing crime rates and substance use,
SJWs, protests, and persecuted youths,
Government scandals and political abuse,
Just stay tuned, WE'VE got the TRUTH!
(We're here to bring the fear to you! )

They're at it again, terror overseas-
Stop! Wait! Don't eat that cheese!
Unless it's government supplied
It's full of diseases!
There's a recall on free range that does as it pleases.
Now, back to the war! And it's growing death toll
In those Middle East countries we've sought to control-
Did I say 'control?' I meant liberate!
We share our Dream and conglomerate,
Then they share their oil, ain't it great!?

And now, Tom with the Weather!"

"Today's forecast is hellfire rain,
Earthquakes, floods, a Cat. V hurricane!
You -could- go out if you don't mind the pain!
It's a good choice to stay in.
Between mudslides, fires, and UV rays,
You'd be better off watching us the rest of the day!"

"Thanks Tom! More things up next!
Upcoming brutality and civil unrest!
Just lean back, stay right in your chair;
Whatever you do, don't move from there!
Never know what you'll miss,
Your life's at stake!
We'll tell you how-
After this quick commercial break."