The quietness


My phone sits quietly on my lap. It doesn't ring or vibrate. All around me is quietness . No one talks, conversation doesn't float in the air. But my head. My head is so loud, filled with burning conversations I want to have with you.

I can't talk to you. We have plunged head first in to a dark, cold ocean full of silence. I am slowly drowning . The water has filled my lungs. It burns and I am gasping for air. My hands are frantically searching for you to save me. But through the dark, cold water, I see you swim away to safety.

You are saved by another hand that's dipped in to the water. She waits on the shore and is ready to save you. She doesn't  know what I do. That you can't truly be saved, just like me. But you will pretend to be saved, while I, a more honest person. I will drown in honesty.  

And here I sink, to die at the bottom of the sea. I die with all the lost hope and feelings I have for you. For I will die a thousand deaths every day, not being able to have you. While you breathe a thousand breaths and live another day .