I used to be unsure,

Did this and that to ‘find myself’.

I used to have changing feelings,

Happy now and again, and sad, too.

I used to try my best,

Get it all done, done well, then play.

I used to have boundaries,

Don’t touch me there; I’m not taking that.

I used to care what people thought,

Apologizing and laughing when appropriate.

I used to have interests and desires,

Be what I should, I want to know more.

**** that.

Now , I know what I am,

Monstrous and dangerously alone.

Now, I feel very little,

Usually numb or apathetic.

Now, I do what I feel okay with,

A little here and there, sometimes all.

Now, I can’t say no,

Do what you want, give me what you have.

Now, you can all go to hell,

Approval is overrated and I hate you anyway.

Now, I know what I want and need,

Give me a journal and a pen.

Give me cigarettes and coffee.

Give me *** and *****.

Give me an idea and a place to go.

Give me a story and somewhere to write.

Give me nothing.

It’s already there.