When I didn't receive your card this year
I wasn't upset, or wanting to read those pointless words.
I was happy because you stopped trying to pretend  you were a good father.
And for a split second... I even thought you were dead.
I wasn't sad at that thought either. I may have even danced at the thought.
But my memory is fuzzy.

Today, 21 days after my birthday,
My family decided to stop protecting me & supply the truth behind my thoughts.
They gave me the cards you had sent for Christmas & for the day I became a year older.

"If your special day is anything like you..."
Was the cheap ******* note on the front.
If the card was plain.. it wouldn't have mattered so much
But the fact you bought a card that refferred to you actually knowing me
Makes me sick to my stomach. In fits of rage I tore up that card
And abused you, even though your whereabouts is a mystery & you couldn't hear me.
They told me to be quiet and calm down... Tell me, Dad, how could I be quiet when you cause me so much pain & anger?
They didn't see my tears, they never do.

After I had walked out that afternoon & sat at a beach for hours I came home
Only to hear my Grandfather apologize for hurting me.
Why, Dad, should he apologize for the pain you caused?
I hate it, Dad, when Grandad says sorry to me.
You, dad, ****** up so badly. I was hoping you were dead...