And when I saw your name roll across my screen
At one in the morning, was that a dream?
Because I was doing fine
I was doing so fine in fact that I forgot
About you and the mess that I became
Because I was so preoccupied with trying to feel ready
And feel right for you, but you didn't pressure
I rushed myself into it, I tripped over my shoelaces
Like a little girl trying to dress herself for once
Were my sneakers even on the right feet?
And I lined up at the starting line
Days before the race had contemplated commencing

I didn't know how to handle you
How to handle no pressure
I had to create some because I've never had none
I've always had a ticking clock
Most times it ended up being a time bomb
I just didn't know how to be without the stress
Even though that's what I tried to leave behind

And I did not know how to handle
Caring for you the way I did, how I didn't
Know what I did or I hadn't
Was a low point for me, I was all turned around
The desires in my heart confused my head
Into thinking it was okay
To say things to you that I really did feel
But my head told my heart they weren't good
That I didn't feel them because I didn't know entirely
And I held back because I was confused
I pushed you away because I didn't want you to be used
I pray you understand that I truly cared
I'm a genuine person, but I'm genuinely scared

I had to be honest
I have to be honest
I was being honest
I try to be honest
I am being honest
When I say that I felt a large pang
Like I sunk into my mattress
Yet simultaneously I was relieved
When I saw your name appear
Out of thin air, onto my screen
It could have been a drunk text
An anebriated thought, possibly
I felt fine, I was fine
It is only a dream