Feb 2012
8 minutes they say, minutes before we would know, 8 minutes of blissful ignorance 8 minutes with that wonderful glow. The warmth and light still there with us, even if the source had already run low, gone out given up the fight. It would be the same way I never heard the crack, never saw the act that would break me. Never saw the thoughts, would it be different if I did see. All the while my 8 minutes ticked, I was unaware in blissful agony. Walking on with my life as if things were the way they were supposed to be. I knew not that I strolled to the headsman’s axe, that just around the corner lying in wait would be the bait that would reel me in. On to dooms fisherman to be stabbed and laid to rest to be devoured by sorrows lips with some nice fish dip. No I was unaware, I wasn’t scared, I held a false belief which for but 8 minutes I thought was true. Like the sun I felt the warmth, saw the light, within this knowledge I took some pride. Not noting the ever small change, that the end of my rope approached, and I ever wittingly encroached upon my own dismay.
That is why it hurt so much, why the fear the panic took such a strong hold. For on false confidence I had become bold. The glass I stood on broke and it was the end of my world. Floating, as darkness hugghed my eyes, pressing them down like a forced lover, my ears only hearing the thundering rhythm of my failing heart. My skin tingling with pin ****** from a thousand kisses or a thousand licks from a cat named fear. Off balance and falling, falling down to the bowels of despair swallowed whole by betrayal. But even as I fell my mind went back out of my hell, into those sweet glorious 8 minutes where I was free. Where I could be who I wanted to be, go where I wanted to go. I lived a lie, a falsehood, an over drawn good bye. And yet did it matter I was happy, filled with glee, hopping and skipping as joyous as could be. And in the penultimate moment I begin to think and see. Is it better to live a lie let everything go as you wish it to be. Or know the cold cutting truth, bleed with the knowledge, know and rue the day you were born. Is reality truly better than fantasy is does the moment we live in matter if it is made up. And yet In my final moments of clarity I see so many others falling with me. Yet then I note that they smile before they are smote. Even if it is for a little while they continue to in ignorance smile. Unable to change their fate, for it has become far too late. They choose to live in their 8 minutes. Choose to make out their own seconds. And that I realize isn’t as bad as it could be.
That is why it hurt so much, why the fear the panic took such a strong hold. For on false confidence I had become bold. The glass I stood on broke and it was the end of my world. Floating, as darkness hugghed my eyes, pressing them down like a forced lover, my ears only hearing the thundering rhythm of my failing heart. My skin tingling with pin ****** from a thousand kisses or a thousand licks from a cat named fear. Off balance and falling, falling down to the bowels of despair swallowed whole by betrayal. But even as I fell my mind went back out of my hell, into those sweet glorious 8 minutes where I was free. Where I could be who I wanted to be, go where I wanted to go. I lived a lie, a falsehood, an over drawn good bye. And yet did it matter I was happy, filled with glee, hopping and skipping as joyous as could be. And in the penultimate moment I begin to think and see. Is it better to live a lie let everything go as you wish it to be. Or know the cold cutting truth, bleed with the knowledge, know and rue the day you were born. Is reality truly better than fantasy is does the moment we live in matter if it is made up. And yet In my final moments of clarity I see so many others falling with me. Yet then I note that they smile before they are smote. Even if it is for a little while they continue to in ignorance smile. Unable to change their fate, for it has become far too late. They choose to live in their 8 minutes. Choose to make out their own seconds. And that I realize isn’t as bad as it could be.
