Im tired of hurting.
There's so much pain I don't know how to deal with.
Pain that has been there for so long that I've only added to it.
I want release.
Release from any of this pain at all if not it all.
I've given too much power to them and I do not know how to get out of this labyrinth.
I've tried crying out to him but I only feel more and more lonely lately.
I know he is there but why does he feel so far off.
The pain is outweighing the hope that I used to have so much of.
This is not a cry for attention nor a plea just me raging at the world.
I need relief and joy.
Maybe that is why I give so much to these strangers that come into my innocence and then become devastated yet again as they leave me.
I don't know why it surprises me anymore.
It's my own fault.
But the cigarettes don't help anymore and neither does the alcohol so I just feel trapped.
So far down in this pit of self pity.

She is forced to remember all the good things she once knew to be so true about herself.
Painfully beautiful on the inside and out.
The kindest soul you will ever encounter.
The most talented artistic intellect lies within her hands and heart.
She loves the things around her more than someone might love their spouse.
She will go so far, even though she doubts herself.
She is undoubtedly loved by the only one who matters.
She is royalty, a Daughter of the King.
Only the most special people she has encountered really know her and who she is, however they are the ones who run the most.
They marvel at her poise, the way she carries herself and how incredibly gorgeous she is.
She should learn from this.

Find joy again my darling, she needs you to find her.
She needs to be lifted up, she needs to be her again.