So many bumps in the unfolding of a day,
a month,
a year,
a series of eclipses
brought me to an inner caving

to become reunited with the fact that i am on a path going somewhere, i do not know;

desperately trying to retain scraps of the past
in the efforts of a sense of longevity,
my life has become absorbed by the feeling that i lack it

its a nice try
but you can't really force anything
its no longer for a reason
it wouldn't be your past if you were still living in it

elements still remain the same
but you don't listen to the ramone's anymore
or watch horror movies and existential dramas on a daily basis

that energy though, that desire for that energy
that release,
that expression
is still there; its just transformed.

you didn't lose anything,
you just went to the next level.

its just this need to be so extreme, still
the need to busy myself
to fill up the time w/ new things.

why not just embrace the coming and going?
the subtlety of it
why does that have to be "death" as we know it?
the going of the old and coming of the new

after ever having never been a beach person, i now realize that it is a setting for the embracing of the state (event) of transition

i guess that's why i've been being attracted to it, and the moon;
to water.

theres so much ebb and flow.
the being "ruled" by "something"
"something" so much larger than you
but i am brought back down to the imagery of the here and now,
of my basement,
to the need for me to cast my life out like a fishing line;
to stop eating the words of others in hopes of sustenance.
to stop eating their poison,
depression;
illness; inner decay

to take the sins of others off the menu.

Can that realization be enough?
that i don't want to devour anything, anymore

Learning to not devour worlds as a life lesson.

and knowing that the world i want to be in
is the one of reminding myself that it's okay to wander,
a world of nurturance
of feeding and being fed.