Sitting at my desk,
Three candles burning lighting this space,
Smells of vanilla, caramel and chocolate fill the room,
So sweet and delicious it makes me want to fall asleep.

I sit there turning a knife in my hands,
Feeling its point,
Running my fingers over its sharp edge,
Wondering if i can trust myself,
Not to do the one thing thats so tempting.

Just one cut,
Its all i want,
Too see my blood and feel the pain,
Release all the things that are driving me insane,
I could say it was a accident,
I slipped and cut my self,
I wouldn't be to blame.

I put away the knife,
My cravings for pain are becoming to unbearable,
So i get out my lighter,
And i just sit there, in the middle of the room,
Lights off,
Candles lit,
Watching the flames,
I get another idea for pain.

Mother would know it was just an accident,
Because of my phobia of burning alive,
Little dose she know that phobia died,
I sit and think about camp,
When i fell back into the foam pit from the hight bars,
It was so peaceful,
I wish i could do it again,
Just free fall into nothing.

I finally snap back to reality,
Turning on the lighter,
I just take a second to stare,
Then i move the flame to my leg,
Holding it just above my skin,
Feeling the heat,
It feels amazing,
Like that one fire is reaching into my body,
And pulling out my every emotion.

My body feels like its been lit ablaze,
But it doesn't quite satisfy me,
I long for the feeling of the point of a blade on my skin,
Trying not to surrender,
I put the lighter away and blow out the candles,
I lay on the floor,
Taking in the darkness,
Imagining being buried alive,
Trying to feel that moment when you take your last breath,
Trying to let go and leave peacefully,
Trying not to fight for air,
Just letting go.

I finally fell asleep,
Having finally defeat,
My craving to cut,
My longing to bleed,
My thirst for something to **** the pain.

Darkness is now my secret elixir,
Smothering me alive.