After he leaves me in the parking lot
I walk back to my dorm and kill half a handle of vodka
I become as sweet as the peach tea I chase it with
While as pungent as the burn in the back of my throat
I needed to leave my body for a minute
Because no one ever taught me this could be rape
So I am calling in sick from reality.
I wonder how the fourth time a boy takes advantage of me
It can still not be my fault
So I am trying to drown myself again
Only this time,
I am swimming in the middle of my floor
I am a transcendent drunk
I can be anything you want me to be
Including survivor
Because right now
Victim is sticky and wet against my bones
Gnawing tension, turning me to dust
But I can smile for you
Flip my hair and laugh
You and I will both know how shallow this is
We will both silently acknowledge its insincerity
But neither of us will say anything
Good dog, play your part
After all, if a woman is raped in private
And no one is around to see it
Does she make a sound?
Will anyone believe her?
Did it ever really happen
to begin with?