Oct 2016
I am glad to be existing at the same time as all of you.
when he touched me and sent pain shocking through all my body
I was glad.
not because I'm a *******
but because I knew if I could survive somebody I loved hurting me that much
I could survive anything
and I finally knew all the secrets to the world
and I allowed myself to feel.
less than great,
but sometimes an occasional more than okay.
with you my being felt numb,
and I had thrown myself into the void
To see how deep it was until I hit the ground,
and I have realized I'm still falling
I like the feeling of the air through my arms
and my hair not staying in one place
I don't mind.
When I get sad I open my eyes and feel the world around me
And sometimes I get sadder,
but I am shocked to be alive
and to have the pleasure of being loved and being hurt
By the same people lucky enough to exist as well.
Because if I was born 50 years earlier, I would not have known,
the boy who put a fist to my face,
a girl who eloped my entire being in her hand
and a friend who sat silently in the corner playing with their fingertips as I laid crying in their bed
I am glad to be existing at the same time as all of you.
because when I told you I liked pain
You knew I wasn't trying to be poetic
You knew I liked it because what I had learned from it
You could tell I was all about the human experience
And you nodded and understood how I could feel safe with you, but still be afraid
and why my clingy sweaty hand could never seem to let go, even when it was time to. How I claimed my softness had not diminished but how when you put your hand on my shoulder I flinched. Even though I knew you were to trying to comfort me. I like pain, but hate feeling it sometimes.
I know most of the human experience is pain, that is a secret I have known to well but tried to cheat, but you cannot get the human experience, the lessons, the beauty without it
I know it is wrong to feel constantly in pain
and have the thought of it lingering in your mind.
Because you know after it you'll maybe get a good poem, story or life lesson you'll tell your child when she comes home crying when she finds out her boyfriend cheated on her.
You will never be able to explain it
how you feel alive with pain,
and feel like you're missing something without it.
I am so glad to be existing at the same time as all of you.
You tell me you hate pain,
and how I always look teary eyed.
but smile when I tell you I'm glad to be alive,
But it's not for the reason you think.
This is a happy poem,
you tell me I'm too self aware
and I tell you I know all the secrets to the universe.
You flinch when I put my arm around you,
and I could tell.
you felt pain, too.
but maybe you didn't embrace it like I did,
and we sit teary eyed at the edge of the void
i am so glad I exist at the same time as you,
even though you don't understand why I think how I do
when he touched me and sent pain shocking through all my body
I was glad.
not because I'm a *******
but because I knew if I could survive somebody I loved hurting me that much
I could survive anything
and I finally knew all the secrets to the world
and I allowed myself to feel.
less than great,
but sometimes an occasional more than okay.
with you my being felt numb,
and I had thrown myself into the void
To see how deep it was until I hit the ground,
and I have realized I'm still falling
I like the feeling of the air through my arms
and my hair not staying in one place
I don't mind.
When I get sad I open my eyes and feel the world around me
And sometimes I get sadder,
but I am shocked to be alive
and to have the pleasure of being loved and being hurt
By the same people lucky enough to exist as well.
Because if I was born 50 years earlier, I would not have known,
the boy who put a fist to my face,
a girl who eloped my entire being in her hand
and a friend who sat silently in the corner playing with their fingertips as I laid crying in their bed
I am glad to be existing at the same time as all of you.
because when I told you I liked pain
You knew I wasn't trying to be poetic
You knew I liked it because what I had learned from it
You could tell I was all about the human experience
And you nodded and understood how I could feel safe with you, but still be afraid
and why my clingy sweaty hand could never seem to let go, even when it was time to. How I claimed my softness had not diminished but how when you put your hand on my shoulder I flinched. Even though I knew you were to trying to comfort me. I like pain, but hate feeling it sometimes.
I know most of the human experience is pain, that is a secret I have known to well but tried to cheat, but you cannot get the human experience, the lessons, the beauty without it
I know it is wrong to feel constantly in pain
and have the thought of it lingering in your mind.
Because you know after it you'll maybe get a good poem, story or life lesson you'll tell your child when she comes home crying when she finds out her boyfriend cheated on her.
You will never be able to explain it
how you feel alive with pain,
and feel like you're missing something without it.
I am so glad to be existing at the same time as all of you.
You tell me you hate pain,
and how I always look teary eyed.
but smile when I tell you I'm glad to be alive,
But it's not for the reason you think.
This is a happy poem,
you tell me I'm too self aware
and I tell you I know all the secrets to the universe.
You flinch when I put my arm around you,
and I could tell.
you felt pain, too.
but maybe you didn't embrace it like I did,
and we sit teary eyed at the edge of the void
i am so glad I exist at the same time as you,
even though you don't understand why I think how I do
