I had convinced myself,

so long ago,

that the world was empty and coarse,

that I didn’t need anyone to share it wih.

I had told myself

everyday since,

that people aren’t worth it,

that being hollow is having control.

I had made myself believe,

in such a short while,

that escaping was the only option,

that this place was just not for me.

I had stopped looking,

never letting expectations form,

knowing things are better in black and white,

knowing feelings are fleeting, and so unstable.

I had to be leveled,

at all moments, in all places,

so I could stay above dangerous water,

so I wouldn’t make things harder for myself.

I had to keep going,

don’t stop, don’t ever stop,

or my world would shatter,

or I couldn’t escape.

I couldn’t look back,

not once,

because then I would realize my regrets,

because then I would want to go back,

because then I couldn’t survive.