Bit by bit I left subconsciously
Eating the same meal continuously;
Little did I know it was rotten
For I believed it was already broken;
Knowledge without interpretations killed me.

I found myself on a ride
Only to realize insanity was the driver
In my head the journey was to “sanity”
Not considering the promise of “purity”.
It didn’t take long and I was gone…

I believed the cure to my disease
Was my illness;
Losing all parts of me and those that
Make me up.
I gave away my sanity for insanity;
My soberness for drunkenness;
My emotional state for approval;
My physicality for adaptation;
I gave you my presence and you took
My dignity away from me.

Tears were involved, and so was blood.
Pain became my breakfast as anger
Was my supper.
My heart had to adjust its veins and arteries
Just to accommodate the pain, anger and hurt.

I sacrificed my being
To fit in your life.
You made me feel special
Until you framed someone in my own home
And then you told me “it was a game”

Besides the self-sacrifice I made,
You persecuted and intimidated me.
I wasn’t like this until I met you
You’ve always been that drug
That I was scared to attempt;
Until I tried you and you actually
Was sweet…
I had no reason to reject your sweetness
For I’m only allergic to bitterness
And that was the gown you had in
Your wardrobe but never wear.

I sold myself out and now I’m in debts.
I’m the one who needs rehab
For I’m the addict, and you’re only the drug.
You took my sanity and still
Came back for the insanity in me.
You basically want me empty handed
With you as my last resort.

I felt deprived of sweet things in life,
And you were always ready;
My eyes were open but closed;
My heart locked but open;
My knowledge was restricted;
And honestly I was gone.
I started not making sense
For I lost understanding of my actions and deeds.

Not only did I lose wisdom and knowledge
But MYSELF too.
The precious me that I always took care of,
The gorgeous me that appeared to only
Exist in my sanity of which I lost.
My capacity was overwhelmed by being overwhelmed;
I couldn’t stand the things against me
Hence I always took the easy route; and that
Being the destruction of the patience in me.

I fooled myself, I owe myself
An apology;
For my life was never my
Methodology.
It didn’t take long and I was gone…
How do I regain myself back,
And at what price?
I want “me” back, I miss “me”
Why did I sell myself so cheap,
For what visible benefits?
I fell for luxurious things
AND I WAS GONE!