What is this loneliness inside my soul
Begging to be let free
But how
How do I let free that which is not physical

Or am I mistaken
Is loneliness a tangible thing
Can it turn into something greater than an emotion?
******

Will these bodies keep me company
Or are these lifeless eyes just another distraction
Helping me hide from my pain
Running away from my shadows

Drugs
Attention
***
Mutilation

I could say these things brought me joy
Pleasure
But no
I always knew the pain was right around the corner
Mocking me

Sometimes I miss how I used to be
The act I could put on
I had friends
Family

As I grew older I couldn't keep up the facade
I'm not a terrible person at heart
I don't want to be this way
I don't want people to leave me

But whatever I have
Whatever I am
Keeps me back

I can't get close to people
I can't have friends
I just hurt them in the end

I don't mean to abuse people
It just turns out that way
I'm sorry to everyone I've hurt
I'm sorry it has to be this way

But I realized I can't hurt anyone when I'm alone
So here I am thinking thoughts no one will ever know
Feeling things nobody will ever guess
And bleeding blood that everyone will never see

Maybe I wasn't made for this world
Maybe this world wasn't made for me
All I know is that I'm dangerous

I lure people in
With promises of love and support
And I believe it too
That I'll help them

But in the end it's always the same
The people I love
They all end up more hurt inside
Than before they came

So I'm leaving now
Even though I'm not saying goodbye
I want you to know that I love you
All of you

Even if I've done the cruelest of things
Said the meanest of words
And committed the worst of crimes against your hearts
I want you to be happy

And the worst part is
That I can't take responsibility for my actions
I don't want to say I was wrong
I can't admit I was the cause of your suffering

I've tormented you
Manipulated you
Destroyed you
Traumatized you

Yet a part of me doesn't want to accept I was wrong
A part of me feels nothing for your pain
I can't take the blame
I'd rather die first