I am coming to this conclusion about myself.
It's like, ever since you left, I've lost my ability to love.
Maybe it is because I am drained of love.
Boyfriend number 2 comes along and originally, I feel in love.
I feel happy.
But I soon find things I dislike.
I soon find myself crying over the things he says.
I dump him sobbing.
The next day, I am restored.
New shiny porcelain.
I begin dating.
Date contestant one:
Everything seems to be going great, except for well... the fact that he's shorter than me..
We talk music
We kiss in his apartment
I am groped without permission and I lose all control.
What happened to CONSENT?
Repulsed, I leave.
Date contestant two:
Red Beard.
He is swift and stout,
runs circles over the backs of my arms
I don't know what love is, but maybe if I knew I could love him
He reminds me of you, but harder
Doesn't text back
Likes to play hard to get
And that's ****, you know?
Except for the fact that it's not.
I am dying to get at his every move.. his angle.
My heart races when I think about him... and what?
I barely know him...
The time spent kissing could have been spent with the air
and words
and connections
He grabs me too,
without consent
but it's somewhat... OKAY?
Like he's not super clingy, right?
He tells me he has had a nice time
And that hey lets hang out again.
Of course I agree.
Red Beard is a god send, right?
Date contestant 3
He arrives late
Is distant originally
I like that.
But then he kisses me and I hate it
He's clingy
He tells me way too much
Um, a girl with a baby??
No thanks
He never went to school
I want out
He doesn't get the hint.
I will probably never talk to him again
I am regretting life
I want Red Beard or you
GIVE ME SOMEONE FAMILIAR
I just can't stand sitting in my empty room and wondering
What. Went. Wrong?
I am so relieved when they leave
I am cold and I don't know if I just haven't met the right person...
Or if maybe... I lost my ability to love, because you drank it all straight from the stream.