bat on the ceiling
watching the cool kids smoke
I feel myself
divided by the porch light into
everything, nothing, and
the bat on the ceiling
12 minutes closer to
death by the cool kids
smoke,
sweet,
lips that can kiss
and wish death on me
smiling watching kids smoke.

have  you felt death before?
Penetrating deeply inside falling
like light falls different
depending on which eyes are watching?
you are the boy smiling in the morning
reading at the coffee shop
I am the boy walking by you.
which shade of black did you see in me?
was it any different upside down?

I came out tonight to watch you
smoking something sweet
maybe smiling
sleepy
I close my eyes but the light comes through
Penetrating
whether I said yes or not.
what shade of black is the blackest,
and will your answer change depending on
whether you are lying
prone or upended?

every time I wake up
I am different
depending on
the light that day.
I want to sleep
and know whether you are
smoking sweetly
or sour smiling wishing death on me,
I want to know for certain that
the color I am seeing is the
black that is blackest.
I want to go to sleep
knowing I won’t wake up
hanging upside down from the ceiling
blacker than I was before
knowing you won’t turn on the lights
to see me hanging from the ceiling
**** running down my legs
eyes bulging
blackest I have ever been.

I want no light to penetrate me
whether or not I say yes
not saying or kissing or
smoking or smiling anymore.