i felt myself getting sick with you. we were in the car and i broke out in a sweat. my mouth tasted metallic. we sat in traffic on a road where there's never traffic. everything was spinning but i still had to drive. my throat was closing up like it does when i eat walnuts. both hands on the wheel. white knuckles. nothing is wrong. the sun is shining and it's a beautiful day!
love and light, everyone!!!!
i came home, i passed out on the bathroom floor, i passed out on the couch, i wore my robe and told myself i had to ride out these chills. my body shook but this is my normal.
there days later i am in the hospital with an incurable disease!!! love and light!!!!
you water your flowers but you don't text me. you get a new chair for your apartment but you don't text me. your baby brother is born. you don't text me. you break up with your other friends. you don't text me.
why am i owed anything? because i'd do the same for you? because love and light? because it's supposed to be everything you stand for, that reciprocation of love???
still waiting, i'll probably accept the call when you decide to make it, unless i'm dying in a hospital bed dealing with my disease or in my own bed dealing with my emotions. because that's not what you need.
what do i need? nobody asks me what i need.