but on some days,
it gets harder and harder to breathe

on those days, you feel
as if the wall is closing in on you;
as if your lungs are being filled with acid;
as if someone's suffocating you;

you try to gasp for air -
however little the amount

but, you feel as if
you're still underwater;
you're still drowning;
you're still swallowing gulps
and gulps
and gulps
of water with a tinge of salt in them;
as if someone's holding your head down;

but then you realise,
there was no one there,
and
*it was all your own doing.