He got to the top of the mountain
And he saw the shadow of God,
Then he heard it mutter, and shouting
‘Will you heed the reck of the rod.’
Then he fell on his face in horror
When he saw the burning bush,
And he said, ‘I’ll begin tomorrow,
Don’t be in such a rush.’

He headed down from the mountain
And his face was strained and grey,
He stood by the edge of a fountain,
Said ‘I’ve come to make your day.’
He saw the villagers gathered
And he said, ‘New rules from God,
They’ll clatter down from the mountain
And will make you reck his rod.’

And then the first of the tablets
Came rolling into the square,
Engraved with a form of writing
That they’d never seen out there,
They asked the man to explain it,
And he thought, ‘this might be fun,’
‘No matter what you might gain by it,
Don’t ever design a gun!’

The wise men nodded so wisely,
And the dumb ones just looked glum,
Whatever they knew, knew slightly,
They’d never heard of a gun,
The second tablet tumbled down
From somewhere up on the mountain,
It bounced and reared and fell right in
To the water, deep in the fountain.

‘All should be baptised here, it said
By jumping into the water,
But know you’ll be married here instead
If you jump with somebody’s daughter.’
More tablets rolled down the mountainside
To quick for any to count them,
And some were crushed in the awful rush,
The ones that had tried to mount them.

‘You mustn’t commit adultery
Unless you’re adults in play,
And then when you swap your wives about
It’s only for just one day,
The seventh tablet deals with death
And what you should do, or oughta,
After you ****, just take a breath
Then go for a general slaughter.’

The man went back to the mountain top
And he sought the shadow of God,
‘Got all the tablets, thanks my friend,
But isn’t it rather odd?
I couldn’t make out a word they said,
They passeth my understanding.’
‘Don’t call me your friend, you slimy sod,
The Devil wants you, for branding!’

David Lewis Paget