I don't know
what it is that makes me so much like a wall
Something people like to lean against for balance
but
then it becomes a crazy request when the words begin to build
I'm tired
Not physically
I'm not sure mentally either...
I'm tired of laughing when all I can think about is the darkness
I'm tired of sleeping when all I dream of are my worst fears awake
I'm tired of waking up just wanting to curl over
and to just close my eyes again
I'm tired of feeling something then suddenly having it ripped away
ripped away by some invisible entity called depression
I can kiss and feel nothing at all
I can lay quietly and have a whole war of words and imagination
battling without a word or reason  
I can blink and feel an inevitable amount of grief pass by
I can breath for hours
then suddenly want to take the air from others
I feel like I'm in a cycle of tired, okay, tired, not okay, okay...
tired
Sometimes
I can yearn for such a love
And hate just that moments later
I'm confused at myself
Confused at my emotions
Confused at my heart and head
Confused at why I feel so...

*Aloof