So I got this card
in the mail you see
“To: Virginia”
Pretty as can be

I opened the card
with a half-assed smile
only to see
a number to dial

I picked up my phone
and with much despair
dialed my girlfriend
whose number was there

“I think it’s you
and definitely not me.
I’m fairly sure
we weren’t meant to be.”

As I hung up the phone
with a smile on my face
I thought of some blackmail
of her in lace

My puppy dreaming
by my side
You won’t be ready
for this ride

It was a bad idea
to break up with me
And now in time
you shall see

I’m kind of a *****
when it comes to you
I really don’t care
what the hell I do

As long as in the end
I see you cry
And I’ll tilt my hat
With a satisfactory sigh

I don’t hate today
as you see
I just toss some arsenic
in their tea

I’m glad you’re in love
I mean, it’s really plain to see
With your Facebook stati
and obnoxious deeds

Finally one girl
got it right
and bought me a puppy
for all my lonely nights

She knew that I
didn’t need a card or flowers
I just needed
a friend who sat next to my shower

Although this girl
can’t compare
her bright evening eyes
and wind-blown hair

She didn’t send me
that horrid card
she simply reminded me
that life is hard

She didn’t leave me
to fend for myself
she instead put my ego
on a slightly higher shelf

Although I loved that other
card-sending *****
I’m fairly certain
that you’re it

My Valentine’s Day wish
come alive in my room
across the hall
next to the food

So to everyone else
who is lonely on the day
I say to you
Don’t be swayed

I found my girl
in a different type wrapping
You can always find yours
But don’t ever be sappy

This girl is at class
taking tests, and passing life
I’m sitting in my room
as high as a kite

Not high on ****
or any other type drug
As cheesy as this is
I’m completely high on love