i tried so hard to make you feel like you could open up. i did it a lot with you, to see if it would make you feel more comfortable. i tried to showcase how nonjudgemental i was, how open minded i was, how willing i was to be friends with you again. maybe it just showed how stupid, and naïve, and pathetic i was. and maybe now you think i was never who you thought i was.

but i was always me. always. that's always been who i am. and this is also who i am. i take chances, i give people second chances, and. i wanted to spare another, but if i wake up in the morning, and i can't.

i cannot apologize for that.